100% Honesty

Keeping with the theme. I am officially 100% nervous. The reality of the situation hit me hard today while I was cleaning and packing. It also hit hard when I received the itinerary for the in-country orientation.

The truth: Oh boy, this is going to be overwhelming!

I use to become irritated with people who would respond to the news of me joining the Peace Corps with the immediate question "you know its going to be hard, right?" The question was always intended to be harmless but after awhile it would really annoy me. As if the idea that this will be hard had never crossed my mind before , or that I had failed to completely rationalized the decision , or I had not fully conceptualize the reality of what I was volunteering to do.

The truth is that I was attracted to PC service (among many reasons) because of the challenge. The big joy accompanied with some anxiety today was getting a little glimpse of what the challenge early on is going to look like. Although the itinerary is vague it does make my stomach knot and muscles ache, a feeling I really haven't felt since having to wait for the sound of the gun moments before the start of the 4x800 at a big track meet in High School.

In an expedition you use topographical maps to follow ridge lines, scope valleys/peaks, find water sources and good camping locations. All can be done before experiencing or seeing any location along the route. We usually place a lot of trust in maps and hope they are correct. But the reality is that although we might be well prepared and everything well planned and executed. There will always be variables that are not in our control. A fallen tree, a dried up stream, an overgrown trail, the weather.

Somewhere in the middle of the spectrum between the things that are planned and those that are not, where the controllable clashes with the uncontrollable is where I find life to be not only the most enjoyable, but the most rewarding.

So, "you know its going to be hard, right?"

You better believe it will be.